So, this blog will be starting up again. After playing around with my other blog some, I’ve decided this one fits my creative energy more. I plan on getting some discussions or, at least, some stories to share within the next couple of months before NaNoWriMo. There will be a short snippet added to available fiction on the front page today, as well.
For the time being, I will share a post from my other blog (which I will be shutting down completely, if I can figure out how to do that).
Continuing Anew (06/18/2015)
This time last year, I wrote a manifesto to guide my writing. While others may create such documents to be fixed, my spirit is immensely mutable for better or worse. Changes are inevitable for change is the way of transformation and internal evolution.
When I started writing to create a novel, I wasn’t sure what kind of novel it would be. I already had written a couple manuscripts that were capable of becoming novels, but did not choose to expand on either of them. My purpose became muddied as I started researching writing communities, exploring how other writers figured such problems out and found no real, applicable answer out there. There were plenty who espoused their methods for their own problems, but none provided a direct response to my own. Being saturated with advice blogs, columns of writerly authority, somewhere along the way, I started to write to be published.
But this is not why I write, nor is it how I want to write.
I write to write and I write to imagine, I write to bring forth the life that bustles in my imagination, to construct artistic representations of concepts and smash ideas against one another to see what is born from such dynamic interaction.
Before I focused on creating original works, I heavily roleplayed in both table-top and online formats. Within interactive communities, I could elaborate on archetypes and character scenarios to nearly-complete freedom. But very few remember an RP character, even less tend to care about them as much as people seem to claim to care about novels. Perhaps because novels are filled with multiple characters… but perhaps not. Novels are certainly less interactive than RP since the reader cannot play a character of their own… unless they take the novel and go RP it with others.
There will always be fans of my work and there will always be those who do not care to invest interest in what I do.
And to write to be published feels as if I have lost my path of motivation.
I’ve been struggling with my current manuscript because of many reasons. Most of the reasons have nothing to do with the manuscript itself, but with me and my life and my self-sabotaging. What do I want? Why? Does it actually matter why I write? Perhaps, what truly matters is How I write. Lately when I sit in front of the computer, I become sick. It is a sickness of spirit, but it feels physical and distracts me from clarity.
I find myself pondering if it is worth it. Which is an extremely self-defeating thought because it can easily be answered yes or no, but to find the honest answer is like trying to solve a sphinx’s riddle while being swarmed by mosquitos.
And I am mutable. So, even if I answer it now, there is nothing that says in three months time, my answer won’t change. If I tried to be stubborn and fixed about it, I lose honesty in the process. Yet, above it all is my own proclivity to sabotage my progress and possible accomplishment.
Every year I am getting older, but wiser? I am not sure about that…
Truth. Awareness. Consciousness.
To display Truth, awareness of consciousness is embodied; a meta-approach to explore concepts.
Chaos. Order. Beauty.
Within Chaos, there is Order; within Order, there is Chaos and this is Beauty.
Desire. Discipline. Discovery.
Desire motivates discipline, but discovery sustains desire.
To explore existence requires great reserves of energy.
To do what I wish to do. To be what I am. To imagine without constraint.
Grateful for existence and the growth it offers my spirit.
Intensity. Intimacy. Intellect.
The three Passions that support each other in all things.
Knowing without knowing.
Liberation. Mystery. Passion.
Freedom from limits to explore the mysteries with great passion.
Peace. Privacy. Reflection.
Within the peace of privacy, to reflect upon that which is created.
To sacrifice certain satisfactions for others.
To build significance to the concepts developed.
To Transcend mundane natures and find Spirit within.
Understanding. Virtue. Wisdom.
It is a virtue to seek understanding, tending to wisdom in every possible way.
A desire to be curious, to marvel at life and all that it provides.
The essence of existence, of me and my creations.